Grace.

The creative juices for how to express my life experiences has been running rather dry for a while now but I do enjoy returning to this place to be expressive.
These past few weeks I have felt God's presence in ways that have only come through the prayers of others. I have been blessed to be successful in school in ways that even though I am tired I have made it through to get things done.
I have also been learning about this amazing attribute of God called Grace. I have confidence that a full grasp of such an amazing part will not be attainable but the little things he has showed me has given me a greater perspective of who He is which in turn has given a different perspective on my self. To describe the concept of grace goes with almost without words, it is more of an action, a feeling, a perspective. God views me through his eyes that he loves me for me, and I accepted that he was going to save me. Through his love I change and grow and through his strength my reflection of him grows a little brighter.
It is by his strength that I am changed to become more like him. This view of who I am changes my perspective of me. I am loved not because work I have done but because I have Jesus. God has invited me to be part of Him. WOW
How that has changed my perspective on life and how I act I think is for another time, as I am stilling discovering how it is worked out, but I know that because of this new orientation, I have a lot more peace and alot less anxiety, which in all reality is something that I am returning too.

Longing

Checking my phone...
Checking facebook....
Looking for something to eat....
Checking my email...

Looking for something
Looking for someone

really longing for Jesus

This semester has been so challenging to find time do anything other then study and sleep and work. Seeing friends has been at a minimum and hanging with the boy has become a weekend excursion only with a Wednesday night dinner and homework night.

Yet I have not made time for Jesus. This does not mean that he loves me any less. This does not mean that he has let go of our relationship. He is in the exact same spot as he was when I started making life... when school start existing and when stress started to overwhelm my body more of a priority. I don't know where to start, I never really do. I miss worshiping him twice a week, one being at youth on Tuesday night... who knew the importance

I have a friend who is serving in Costa Rica with YWAM

She has been such an encouragement to me.

Check out her blog and journey!

Heart Broken

WARNING... MATURE SUBJECT MATTER

I heard a comment last week that a bunch of us young folks don’t think about death compared to all of use oldies... and late middle age lady said it of course. The interesting fact of it though was that comment wasn’t entirely true for my self.  The experiences of this past summer as well the entrance into working with elderly people this reality is not far from reach, not for me personally of course but for those around me who are elderly. Every so often my mind churns over the fact that I never hope that I will have to be placed in a nursing home due to cognitive impairment aka losing my mind and memory. I have encountered over the past few days various ladies who have deceased husbands or are functioning more independently now due to the fact that their husband is no longer able to do as he once was. I personally would much rather leave him behind then be left behind as this again, is something that I have thought about since being around these people.

It can and should be noted that the role of a husband is very critical in providing social emotional and physical support for the wife (physical income not so much in the later year) and when this support network is no longer around the person can suffer greatly. This idea was brought up to me as I was sitting in one of my classes which discusses social determinants of health; factors that effect health that are outside of physiological processes. One significant social determinant is the maintenance and support from a social network. A critical piece to this social network can include a spouse. Which presents this idea that an individuals health can be effected by being heart broken and can be seen in physical manifestations.

It’s not uncommon to hear about how one spouse passing shortly after their partner and I would call this literally a heart that is broken. Now I should also note there are many people who do recover and live longer after their spouses passing so this should not be a generalized thing simply a connection made through my various own personal experiences. The elderly population is a group of people that I have to love and have a lot of respect for due to their wisdom and guidance that they have to offer. In the midst of working with them though the challenges that are faced are very different to what I have experienced before.  

Summer

With summer being over and returning back to school the question constantly arising of “how was your summer?” To say that it was a great summer as most people tend to say I have summed up my experience as a good and hard summer. Then the next question that comes about is “what do you by hard?” This answer usually deems the answer of I worked as a PSW and took a summer course at the same time so it was hard. And this is very true, yet my summer was much more then that. It was a testing ground for my faith. I experienced a lot of loss this summer with losing Paul as well as other elderly people from my church.

Along with that came the struggle of my personal faith being challenged through my course consisting of world religions. With being presented with these various world views I was challenged to evaluate my own once again and stand true to what I hold to be truth, which is actual truth. Out of it though, I learned that being a Christian is very different then any other religion. Yes I would agree that there are many similarities between many of the world religions but the more one comes to understand each the clearer the differences formulate. Almost finishing this course (with the Lords strength only) I have walked away knowing that what I believe and depend on is not of myself but from God. Total dependence is the basis of our faith, and when we choose to not do this we land in more trouble then we began with. I definitely felt that way during this summer.

Throughout this summer I was often to be found sitting at the picnic table at my house doing homework and listening to the radio. A new release came out and I considered in my summer theme song. The artist talked about how we often talk about what God has done and how amazing it is to be with him but we fail to reflect on what it would be without him. This summer I think I experienced a little taste of that, being without him. The stress of the summer and the involvement of studying other religion was an excellent way the devil to wedge his way into my mind, and much of the song reflect my summer.

The refreshing thing about walking out of this summer into a new school year is that I now have that knowledge of being without him and have no desire to return. Additionally it gave me a taste of what it was like to live without Christ, something that I have not really experienced because I have lived to be a Christian my whole life. This summer was a hard but good summer and I can say it was good because of what I learned and how I grew. There is still much more growing to occur from this summer experience but I have confidence that God will not let that go undone.
 

In the meantime here is my summer theme song
Me without You

Some thoughts

As I am getting back into the swing of school I am also attempting to get back into the habit of writing blogs as a way to reflect on the thoughts that have travelled through my head as there are many.  Thoughts  that are sometimes put into my back pocket to reflect and other times are simply forgotten.

So here is one of those thoughts that might have a trail that is lasting.

I have been doing a bible reading plan (started it a week ago) because I was finding it challenging to sit down and read it. So I decided to try doing something different to make a change and get excited about reading my bible again. Part of the plan was to read though the Psalms, which I find refreshing to read because David is an ordinary person with extreme emotions and an AMAZING love for God. Reading psalms I sometimes find is a gate way to praying to God. The words that are written there are some of David's inmost thoughts and feelings that he expressed to God. After reading a psalm a few times I find myself praying the words of David. It's a very different, definitely different way to dig into my bible which has been like new and exciting.

I am very grateful that God interacts with his people in more then one way through his amazing letter that he has given to us.

So I guess I have a question, how do you stay interactive with you bible? What do you do to make it exciting to go back to everyday?
I think it would be neat to try some other new things!

The Drive Home

With being back at school and far from home, my regular radio station that I listen too is simply state of fuzz. So for the past while now I have simply enjoyed my car's silence as I drive from one place to another. One of these drives I was heading out to go visit some of my friends that I had met in nursing last year to catch up and hang out a bit.

We were talking about boys and the dramas many of us had either faced in the past and one that was currently in the midst. As I was sharing my story I realized how amazing picture of grace that it was.
I was in my first serious relationship and it was not a Christ honouring one and six months later it was ended. I struggled for a long time about how to restore what I had lost in that relationship and how Christ could forgive me of it. But as I was on a missions trip Jesus miraculously set me free from such bondage. I was forgiven and free. Later that year the boy's memory was completely erased from an accident that he had suffered. So in essence that relationship had completely disappeared.

It is really such a great picture of what God does for us when he forgives us. We are forgiven and free and he remembers it no more. I am always delighted to see small reflections of His truth permeate through my life. It is such a gift to now that I have a story of a great example of what Christ has done. Unfortunately I didn't make the connection until I was driving home so I wasn't able to share it with my friends I am still grateful that I had He gave me the courage to share it with them.

And thats a Wrap...

Well with one week of summer left and being back into the full swing of school not far from me I decided that I would attempt to get back to blogging as well. Apparently summer zaps my blogger initiative. It's been a very different summer, I have never experience anything like it before that is for sure. I was the first time in a long time that I didn't not spend most/all of my summer at camp and the first time that I spent 4 months (minus 2 weeks at camp) living at home as summer. That reflection will come later.

Right now I wanted to post something that I was discussing with several ladies at work. In my generation people are in constant communication, either through text message, facebook, twitter or even blogging. We are always talking to each other and one of the ladies suggested that we talk too much, we are constantly sharing every small detail of our lives and not afraid to expose anything and everything. Something that happens when we are in constant communication is that the idea of missing someone or looking forward to seeing someone is often missed. Now I would say that texting or talking or skypeing verses seeing someone is still very different, but the problem I often find is that once you see the person you have nothing to say to them because you have already told them. And then you miss out on telling the story with facial expressions, and actions and connection at a different level.

Yes texting does make things more convenient but for me personally sometimes I really enjoy getting that email after a few days, waiting in anticipation for it and getting excited when we finally receive it. or better yet the snail mail which barely exists except for those people who go to camp and do not have Internet access. I love to read snail mail and I enjoy writing it too. I love to know that someone actually took time to stop there day and sit down and write me a letter. WOW

In a time of Instant gratification were everything is now, at this moment we lose much of the little moments in life, a man that I worked with told me to slow down, stop rushing and I have held onto that. We need to remember to slow down and look at the little things in life.

The smile on a cute old ladies face
The butterfly or Caterpillar that is crossing our path
The moment of silence in the day
or the simple sounds of kids laughing and playing

All these things we can so easily walk by while we are texting our friend or rushing from one place to another because our schedules are so full. So as I head back to school and finish off my summer, in the midst's of the chaos and commotion I am going to attempt to slow down and remember to look for the little moments, I like to call them little hidden treasures from my King, to remind me that He is there and the Beauty of the life that He gives.

Self

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me

-Jesus

Self. It has these desires of staying up late and sleeping in, drinking to it's heart content with only it in mind. Selfless. It has the desires of serving others, waking up early to spend time with a close friend; a King, and to go to bed tired from doing service for others. The battle between self and selfless has been one that has been dueling within my body and soul. This current battle that has been happening has not been to pretty either, with self often winning. With the battle looking pretty low I found the outside having its repercussions, being angry, doing things that I would not normally do and wondering astray.

The amazing thing about my the King is even though this battle was looking aweful, he came through, like he always does. I simply forget He is there. The whole time that I thought selfless was lossing I kept seeing foreshadows of victory, Him never giving up on me. Calling me through unexpected answered prayer, revelation of his word through communication with others and him pressing upon me to get back into his word through several differant sermons I stumbled apon with his guidence.

He calls me to deny self, it's desires, wants and infatuations with the world. I have discovered over the last little while that this is a choice that I must make and each moment of the day, each day of the week and each week of each year. I am simply grateful for the fact that that once the choice is made, he will help me stick to it, from start to finish.

This picture was taken as we were climbing Mount Cameroon, we were all pretty tired but still excited for the adventure that was adead. We never made it to the top but it was amazing what we got to see and explore during that time. Life is like that too, sometimes though we forget to be excited about what is ahead becuase we only see the mountian infront of us that we need to climb. Remember that you can go to him right where you are and give him the backpack that you are carrying. Then get ready to climb the mountian, because he carrying your load and all you have do to is be willing to keep going.

Little Gifts with fun History

With traveling friends and the blessing of souvenirs, I was given a necklace that made me rather curious so I decided to do some research.

I was given a beautiful necklace with a black cord and a pendant, the pendant being called a harmony ball and is traditional hung on a black cord. The harmony ball originated in Bali, a small Island near Indonesia. Within the ball there is a small bell that creates a gentle noise and vibrates. This is then to create a feeling of harmony and calmness to those who wear it. The harmony ball is also a symbol of of calm and relaxation. Pregnant women are often found wearing them to promote those things. It is often said that the baby is also able to recognize the sound of the harmony ball. It's probably more the fact that the baby can distinguish a mothers voice from others.

Anyway I am grateful for the gift and the small history that is associated with it.

Paul

This Man in passing will not be forgetton. For a small while I felt like I had a real grandpa. This was a poem that I wrote for him for school and I thought it would be a good description of who he was. I am excited to see him again with Jesus.
To Rev. Paul Martin 1925- 2012

Persevering    Dealing with the daily fight of cancer is no easy task

                     Yet looking at him you would think it was a blast

                     He sees each day as a delight
                     And his smile shines oh so bright!

Attentive   Always having a listening ear to give

                  Never worrying how far you live
                  He will always have wisdom to share

                  And you can be certain that he cares!

                 

Upbeat     He may look like he’d rather stay

                In the place he lives each day
                 but He has had adventures of old
                And their stories have been told!

Loyal     Whether he here or there or anywhere

             He will never forget the square
             Where he began his practice of preach
             And will continue until his last speech!

I forgot how big You were

It kinda crazy to think that last year this time I was in Africa serving the Oku people through promoting and learning their language. My heart and mind were in the missions mindset. Now with a year passing and much occurring it's easy to fall back into the regular routine without much thought and I have unfortunately fallen into this rut. Over the past few days in reading through Luke I have been convicted of doing this and failing to realize that I should have never left that mind set of missions or the place that my heart was in when I was leaving and on that trip.

The story of the Centurion in Luke showed me the lack of faith that I had put in Jesus over this past month. The Centurion knowing how much authority he had over his soldiers realized that it was nothing compared to the authority that Jesus had. The centurion knew that simply speaking Jesus could heal his servant and he did.

I have just like the song says, boxed God into my mind as smaller then he is. Forgetting the authority he has over all things and the power that he has. So as I move forward I am challenged to trust in this authority and power remembering that he can do all things, and I can trust that he will help me do the things I can't.

What I Started, Finished and Learned

I wrote a blog a while back about my mystery interview and I have noticed that I have not filled in the details. So lets do a recap. My mystery interview turned out to be with a water company.

I was hired by a water company as a in home sales person selling water conditioners and purification systems. At first it was sounding ok, but as I worked there longer I was finding it harder and harder to find satisfaction in my job or even how I could honour God in what I was doing, my heart was never in my job. In the end, less then a week and a bit I quit. To be honest I did a lot of wrestling with this job whether or not to quit and how I was fitting God into the equation.

Doing something that I was doing was never easy and I definitely learned a lot and made some mistakes. Here are my take-aways.

1. I am still a people pleaser.
I forgot what it meant to look only for acceptance from God.
I was looking to impress my boss by doing a good demonstration of the product, looking for my customers to like me and be impressed and I was looking for acceptance from those who I was working with and from my boss. I put on the back burner who was supposed to be first and that the only person that I need acceptance from was my king. I have come to learn that looking acceptance for my king will be a challenging thing do but knowing that I am doing it for him will help.

2. I struggled in trusting God resulting in much stress and frustration.
We were required to drive to each person's house that we were going to and find our own way there. Now because I don't have a GPS or Internet on my phone I had to resort to using paper maps which worked great when I had one, but when I didn't.... well that was another story. I failed to trust God that he would get me to each house safely and in good timing. It amazes me how easily our futile minds forget that our God is taking care and has control.

3. I struggled with hearing God's voice.
Since I had so much anxiety everything I went to work I was blocking out God's quite voice and was unable to hear him, leaving me starved for him.

4. I struggled with persevering through.
James 1:2-8 makes a very good point that persevering makes us stronger in our faith but a make who doubts God who gives wisdom will be unstable in what he does. I was doubting God that he would get me to where I was going, that he could through me do this job and so on. That left me really unstable, I could see my self constantly going back and forth on an emotional level and I knew that it was not healthy.

5.I think I made the right choice.
I decided to quit because this job was not drawing me any closer to God but rather it was pulling me away. I read a book once and it talked about the differences of trials that bring you closer to God and Satan trying to intervene and pull you away from God. I think that this job was doing just that, pulling me away from my creator and forcing me to rely on my own strength.
I understand that one can honour God through everything that they do but I did not understand how I could honour God through my job and how it this was bringing me closer to him.

So right now I am waiting for a job as a PSW to come up and I think I do have something promising. I understand that I will face these same challenges working as a PSW but I also know that my job I am able to serve and help people. Something that aligns much more with my nature. I am grateful that I could walk away and thankful that God is indeed taking care of me.

ID is Required

 It's required at a lot of places, at gas stations to pick up the cigarettes, the pub, club, bar to get into and the police station when that police check is due.

Having self identity is also required for life. Everyone has their own identity of who they are. The thing that I have come to realize is that identity is always placed in something. We define ourselves by something that is outside ourselves. Now this can range from something that we do, something we are a part of or a goal that we want to obtain. For myself I have found to have placed some of my identity of being an outdoor "camp" person, being smart and having good grades. Others place their identity in the idea that they are beautiful, or great at art/crafts, or the job that they do. The problem in placing our identity in these things is that they are fleeting. We get a new job, we change what we do, how we look and how we act because life is fleeting, changing and always moving. So people often change or lose their identity because of circumstances are changing around them.

The thing that makes my head spin a little is that our identity defines who we are, so if it changes are we really the same person? How can we find identity if it is always changing? I don't really know how to answer those questions, or if they really need to be answered at all.

And yet another place that people find their identity in is their religion. For me I am a christian so I find my identity in Christ. It took me until last year with a late night brainstorm in order to determine this but I did. Everything that I do (or want to do... see Romans 7:14 on) is because I have placed my identity in him. Now the interesting thing for me is that because my identity is in Him, and He does not change then my core essence, the most intimate and deepest thing of who I am doesn't change.

Grounded, when I think of who I am I think of being grounded. Grounded in Christ and knowing that I know where I can find my ID, in Him.

Corny Moments Missed

I have discovered that I am a corny person. I love to say corny lines, do corny things and have corny moments. Now some people think that corny moments are corny and are often missed. But for me these corny moments are the best! They bring an extra smile to my face and some extra delight in my day!

I think my favourite people to share these moments with are the people that I am closest with such as my sister, my boy and my closest friends. Mostly because they can put up with the corniness of it too and it often either brings a good laugh or a smile to their face too!

Try it out sometime, and maybe your day will get a little brighter too!

Weird.

I am actually not a huge fan at all of the word. I don't know for certain but I don't think you would really find it in my vocabulary. I heard of story of a friend who had really peculiar opinions of strange things so I thought I would write about one of my own.

Weird: involving or suggesting the supernatural, unearthly, uncanny, fantastic, bizarre.

I got this definition from dictionary.com and was actually surprised about what I found. The way that many people use this word doesn't really match what it actually means. When I hear people use this word the first thing that comes to mind is that, that person thinks what ever is weird is not normal. Now although no one can actually describe what normal is within each culture there is a certain set of standards that the population follow and when one steps out of those standards they step out of the norm.

I think what frustrates me even more is when people use the word weird when they see people do different things because they are from a different culture. For certain these things are not supernatural (well for the most part) and yes they may be out of our North America norm, but it does not mean that it is out of their norm. When people do things differently we often tend to say that they are weird. Looking down on them for stepping out of the norm. Instead we should find ourselves doing either a) asking the question why they do it or b) trying it ourselves.

Now this is only one opinion about one word but in my world simply words can make a world of difference.

Floating Clouds resembling Vague Thoughts

Second day in a row of going for a run, I don't know if I will do an everyday thing but I definitely plan to stay active this summer. I think I will make it a goal to get my gym membership by the end of this week. Right after I have my mysterious interview. I will give updates about that too when its over. I have to say that I am resume spent. I hate job hunting and praying that despite my hatred for them that I will get some kind of job. To be honest I have been applying for all of these PSW jobs but I really don't know how well I am equipped for them. I have all this head knowledge but very little practical knowledge. I do though have confidence that God will help me do that as well. I just need a job that will pay for the future.

The real reason for me writing this blog was to reflect on some ideas that have been floating around in my head. Going for a jog and thinking always makes the time go faster and is a good time to reflect in the midst of remembering to breath and not trip over something. I was reflecting on how when school stops and nothing overly important is pressing it gives me more of an opportunity to reflect on how my relationship with God has developed and progressed over the past while.

Here as some conclusions

1. I need to develop a better understanding of what prayer is.
Something that I have been challenged with recently especially. I have several friends going on missions trips this year in different parts of Canada and around the world and all have asked me to pray for them.
To be brutally honest over this past year esp. when someone asked me to pray for them I would shot one small little prayer up and then never think twice of it--obviously feeling guilty afterwards.
So I think this summer I am going to try to gain a better understanding or at least some better consistency of bringing others to God in prayer.

2. Been challenged recently to spend more time with the King.
Something that I have come to release is that when I have more time on my hands I often find myself wasting it on things that are taking too much of my time such as facebook and email and random googling. I have been reminded that this is God's time that he has given me and since I have it I think I should spend more time with him. Much easier said then done.

I thought was thinking about a ted talk that I watched recently but I think I will leave that to a separate blog because it needs a little more thought and a few more lines drawn to make some connections.

Summer is here in full swing so that means more Floating Clouds of thoughts. I am excited to see what the clouds portray!

The Second Childhood; Season of Change and Transition

As many of you know I have been volunteering with a program that is involved with visiting elderly individuals to provide some socializing and activity. Doing this provides the person with some company and can really improve their lives. And for me, I think it is benefiting just as much. I have learned a lot about what it is like to transition into this time of life and the various challenges. As a nursing student we looked a lot at development and including this later stage. It has really encouraged my thinking about this.

I was visiting dear friend yesterday and my boyfriend kindly joined since they had both met several times before. We were chatting about how he was travelling and was preparing to go away. My friend mentioned how he to was preparing but to go a different place, heaven. It amazed me how he was so calm and content with saying that. He has gone through much change recently and I have watched him become more dependent on other people.

The whole reason this though process has come about was due to talking to another lady who was taking the aqua fit class. We discussing such transition and she put it as the "second childhood". And I do see it that way. As we progress older we once again become independent on other people, like a child depends on the parents. The difference is that this elderly people have many many years to their name, of experience, independence, and their own offerings of support. What this wonderful lady reminded me of and reaffirmed was the importance of seeking wisdom from such people.

As working as a future nurse (with the understanding that not all can or will want to) is to ask and seek wisdom from such people. As these individuals face that transition from independence to dependence it is important to remember that their minds are full of wisdom and stories and adventures if someone is there to listen. I hope as a nurse and nursing student that I can gain small pieces of wisdom and remind these wonderful people that they do have something to offer.

I AM DONE....kinda

So as of last Thursday I completed my first of four years of nursing. It was such a relief. Having my two hardest exams side by side resulted in a three hrs of sleep between them and A LOT of studying. Due to exams the blog has been paused to the side but now I thought I would give a small update on life.

The reason that the "kinda" had to be inserted on the end was because I am going to complete an online course this summer- its an introduction to world religions. I am actually rather excited for it because their is a lot of reading which can be done outside and no Internet is required for the most part. I have to do I think 2 research papers, which are probably going to kill me but hey! I think the knowledge that I will get out of this will really help me have a better understanding of the differences between the different religions. It will also be a very big change from nursing.

With exams being done and no pressing deadlines I was able to enjoy a weekend in Sudbury. We headed up the Friday, the day after my last exam and while I was in Sudbury I was able to book off work and stay an extra day. So I spent the weekend stress free, watch way to much TV and enjoyed some good laughs. I am so grateful that I had that time up there, with no computer to just sit and relax and enjoy people's company.

This week though is back to cleaning packing and making a very long list of everything that needs to get done. Fortunately this work leaves me rather satisfied and I get to move around a far bit so that is much more enjoyable then sitting for 12 hrs. I think I am going to get a crack-a-lacking!
To do list here I come!

Where did my socks go?

Today is one of those days were I asked that question because God just blew my socks off.
This is why....

Ever since grade 3 I have been called to be a missionary. I forget my calling between grade 4-12 and was reminded of it during my grade 12 summer when I was sent off to Poland with a team to lead an English camp. There, God restored my broken heart and reminded me of what I was supposed to do with my life.

Every once and a while since then I have the little creeper; Satan,  who decides to wiggle into my mind and makes me second guess if this is really what I am supposed to do, and each time he comes God decides to kick him out and! blows my socks off. Over the past few days this creeper has decide to see if he can squeeze into my head once again and I doubt for a moment. So as I was planning my Sunday school lesson the main passage that we were working on was Matthew 26:18-20: The Great Commission. In that moment God was like nope, here is the command that I have given u.
TO ALL NATIONS!

wow.

I was then challenged by the last question that I have to ask my kids tomorrow at church at, What are you going to do to tell others about the good news? Sometimes I wonder how I am going to do it in another country when I have so much struggle doing it here. I was faced with the challenge of sharing the gospel to people around me who do not know, here where I am.

So with my new socks on and a prayer tucked away I am hoping to be brave enough to take on the mission he has called me to now and and later too!

Bambo Decor

So I have trying to finish this project pretty much sense september but I have finally gotten the motivation to go out by the stones I needed. It happened to be my lucky day because I found some neat ones at the dollar store along with a rather plain but pretty vase.

The bambo is actually from Africa's mount Oku. I brought it down the mountain (small... very very small) with me on our day trip while I in Cameroon. This bambo was the same bambo that I was holding when I had near death experience #2.


This near death experience occured due to slippery mud and a machete. We and most of the team was walking down the mountain and one of our friends from our oku class joined us. He was walking behind me with a machete in his hand and I think a long piece of bambo then the two hear combined. So I started falling and then I think he started falling and when we had bothed finished falling. My head was between his leads and the machete over my head.






To make this is was rather easy.
1. Go to Africa, climb a mountain get bambo
2. Get a friend to cut it half and smooth some edges
3. fit it in the suitcase
4. buy vase and stones
5. put bambo in vase.
6. Layer stones
7. Find a cool spot to do it!

Enjoy! :D

It's Perfect, He's Perfect

I was sitting up in the guard chair with one swimmer in the pool the Thursday before Good Friday. The marked day when my Saviour died for me and so many other people. I was thinking of "How did one sacrifice save 1x10^x (x>1)  people? I,  for so often, understood in math that both sides must equal each other but 1≠ 1x10^x so how does this possibly work? One could say that because God is God he can defy mathematics and yes that is true, Jesus walked though walls which cancels out (I think) most of physics but I also know that my God is a logical, reasonable God. So what was my conclusion? Well 30minutes in a guard chair got me to one.

This is my logic.
When something is perfect, nothing can be changed, added or replaced. Jesus was perfect, he was the perfect sacrifice. And since he was perfect that meant that there was no other replacement, nothing could be changed or added or made better, he was it. So yes he may defy logical standards but at the same time He was the only answer. The only value that made sense.

It's Perfect

He's perfect

I am grateful that God all along knew the perfect value, had the equation all sorted out, understood every part and every piece. I am thankful that my small feeble mind can take a small bit into the iceburg of who Jesus is and what he has done.

Front Line

There are times in our lives when we feel helpless.  Always receiving help and never giving. You feel like you are on the front line of attack and are unable to help those around you because of the problems of your own. The people that are helping you might often say "I am with you each step of the way" or "I've got your back" or "I am supporting you, I am standing behind you". These people are your back up, your support group.

So now picture this, you are standing before this giant and you feel helpless. This giant can be a big test, a family divorce, a death, or simply an impossible task. For many of us we know that in these times we are supposed to look to God and let him be our strength, but how do we do that when we feel helpless, on the front line? Those people are your back up, they are the ones that you can run towards knowing that they will offer assistance. So now you are again standing before this giant, with all your support in back, hoping and praying that you can face this fear.

Although you may be thinking how can you repay those who stood behind you once the fight is over, lets make it clear that you already have. Volunteered or voluntold you were at the front taking all the shots, while we were behind making sure that you do not fall down. While you were facing this head on and could see every blow, we were standing behind you making sure that you did not fall down. And while you could feel very pain, we were standing behind you.

So you may think that you are not doing anything for us in all reality you are. You are on the front lines, you are the one who has stepped up to the plate to face the gaint. You are the one showing the world who God really is and what he can and will do. You are the example to the world. You are the on the front line and we are behind.

For a good friend who inspired me to write this for her.

She stood there and we stood behind her.

 "There is no need to feel alone when life is hard, and there is no need to walk alone when life is great... God is always there. Don’t allow your idea of ‘good’ to be affected by money or success or accomplishments in the world eyes. Live for God alone."

-Hillary Triemstra

The classic question "How are you doing?". Sometimes asked out of politeness, others simply as a greeting (not really conscious of the statement) and then there are others who are in genuine concern and interest. These are the people who really care about how you are and what is going on in your life. A while back I was talking to a friend who I had not had a chance to really talk to in a while and I ask her the question of "how are you doing?"

She answered; I am good because God is good.  

I was reading the blog that I got this quote from and it brought me back to what my friend had said. No matter what is going on God is there and God is Good and because of that she could say I am good. I think often times I find myself so caught up in the mundane things of life I fail to realized what God is doing in the midst of it and fail to look at the big picture. I so easily forget that he is sitting beside me and wanting me to give my frustrations, my joys and my sorrows to Him.

As exam time is coming around and the stress of marks and simply the desire to be complete can often block the view of the Big Picture. I am being challenged to stop during the midst of the chaos and remember that in the middle of my day God is still good, and is still looking out for me. This time is extremely stressful so it will not always be easy to say to say that all is good because I know that I that I will not feel this way. But I do hope that I can rely on him for the peace that only he can offer. So as I approach the home stretch (23 days left) I hope to make to effort to remember in the middle of my days knowing God is good.

Doctor! Doctor!

The following are comments from doctors as recorded on patient charts.
Becoming a Nurse and all I thought some of them were kinda funny, I wonder if I'll ever see anything like this.... I know I should not hope for that but... I secretely do :)

• "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
• "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
• "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."
• "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
• "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
• "The patient refused an autopsy."
• "The patient has no past history of suicides."
• "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
• "Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
• "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
• "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
• "She is numb from her toes down."
• "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
• "The skin was moist and dry."
• "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
• "Patient was alert and unresponsive."
• "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."
• "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
• "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."
• "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
• "Skin: Somewhat pale but present."
• "Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."
• "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."
• "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
• "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
• "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
• "The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."
• "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

Retrieved from StumbleUpoon a while back :P

Complaining... and what God says about it

So I have this class my first year of my four years of nursing called Introduction to Psychology and has become my least favourite, more like most hated class I have ever taken (other then grade 12 English). I have been complaining about it and so have all my friends, something that I thought of recently though was what Paul wrote to the Philippians, he told them do everything without grumbling (complaining) or arguing (Phil 2:14). So guess who needs an attitude adjustment! I do! It amazes me and frightens me how easily I can fall into sin.

The next vs (15) is kind of interesting too
 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”
The reason that we are not to complain is to be blameless and pure. I think that makes sense. A person does not complain to the other person's face of what they are doing wrong, complaining often turns into gossiping and is gossiping to a certain extent. We are putting down what people have been trying to do. I am putting down McMaster and the professor and my Tutor by constantly complaining about them.
then it goes on so that we are not part of a warped and crooked world.

In all reality this course is
a. 4 months long
b. I have to take in once and never again
c. Although the mark does remain on my record it does not define me of who I am or what I am capable of.

On the other side of things I
a. have to ability to learn about this information
b. discover that i am blessed that there are people who like neuroscience because I can not stand it
c. its almost done (and was almost done from the start)

Its crazy how 4 months seems like forever but in the scheme of things is not all that long, yet time can pass so slowly but so fast. I think what it means when we get trapped in this warped and crooked generation, we fail to realize who God is and where we are. Things do not last forever but we can get trapped and think that they do. We can wrap our thinking into that this is the worst thing ever and can not get through it but when it all reality all we have to do is look to Christ and he can help make us through.

I now officially have a theme verse of Introduction of Psychology

Philippians 1:14-15

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation

Counting Time that's Past

"Just because you've been dating for a couple months doesn't mean you're in love and are going to get married" -anonomous

Its an interesting thought in all reality. How to go about dating, courting or whatever, is different for all people, some being friends first, becoming friends through dating or something in between. This friend of mine has been dating her man for more then several years now and I have much respect for her. When I look at them, (just to make clear I am not a creeper and do not see them all that often) I find myself admiring the fact that after dating for so long the still have maintained good boundaries and still have a firm grasp on what it means to be friends, best friends.

I think often times people lose sight of that, what in means to be friends with the people they are in relationship's with. They get so caught up in the mushy gushy that they forget to do "friend" things. I am not really talking about anything specific but its just interesting to think about. Maybe its in the fact that people become so infatuated with the idea that now that they are in a relationship both can become more intimate physically. Yes this is something that comes along with dating but I do not think it should be the primary concern. I think the goal of dating is to learn more about the PERSON. Who they are, what they don't and don't like and my favourite; learning to read them, becoming so familiar that can recognize non verbal cues and know if and what is one their mind.

If the focus was rather to learn more about that person, to encourage them and stand behind them I think the relationship would grow in a much deeper and unique way. It is also a really good way to find out if you are actually compatable with this person. I was talking to another friend and she got it right when she said "I don't think love is enough. You have to be compatable with the person." If you fail to have similar goals and dreams and hobbies then that relationship is built upon nothing more then mushy goo and when fights and trias come they won't have anything to stand on. But if you are heading in the same direction then you can spur each other on, and encourage and correct when you notice one falling away from the path that will lead to the goal.

I have come to observe several couples who have managed to understand what this means and it encourages me that I can find the same. I am glad to have people such as these who I can look to examples as well as look to Christ to give ultimate wisdom on such subjects.

I am grateful.

Ahh... Much Better

Cold water never tastes better then right after you have gone for a long run. It's the "ahh..." moment that makes all that effort worth while and you have the feel good moment. Sometimes when I get into the word I have that same moment. That feel good moment to simply be excited about what you have just completed.

Today was definitely one of those days. I was able to talk with my mentor the previous day and she is always really encouraging and inspiring to me. She suggested me to go to Psalm 62 and to reflect and pray through the Psalm. So I spent some time today doing just that. Reading and Praying through the Psalm. It was as if reading through that was like taking that drink of cold water. Refreshing and satisfying and was exactly what I was craving.

Due to a combination of things I had decided to put bible reading on the back seat and stuck to writing out some prayers and journaling. Now I do think that those things are important but  I had neglected to actually open up the bible and open a door for God to communicate to me.
It's actually a really neat thing, to pray through a piece of scripture. The first time I did it was actually with my mentor at a retreat that we were at. Its neat, meditating on the scripture and understanding what it means but then using that as your prayer. I would not say that it is any more "effective" no I do not think that is the right word. It's just neat to say the same words of love to the God who loves us more then we could ever do.

I hope that you have the same refreshing experience of opening Gods word.
Letting Him pour over you His fresh, cool, cleansing water.

Life has Up's and Down's--God is a straight Line

So this is kind of an update since I have not written for a while. These past few weeks has been have up and downs to say the least, from carrying other friends burdens, to having crazy midterm weeks and not really having a reading break, its been a hard time.
I have decided that after basically not doing homework for two nights, I think this was more of a normal relaxing week then reading week was. So I took my reading week this week, which was rather nice considering what had occurred.
The frustrating that comes with relaxing is my immune system has finally kicked into gear, the means I am sick. Never a good thing when school is still occurring.

In the midst of all this craziness I have been to observe a few things that have really encouraged me to keep going. I was talking to a few people about how they we so upset that either they have not been getting the marks that they need or that they have not been looking the same way that they once did. Many of these people have based themselves on these things, either their appearance, marks or anything else. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have found my self falling into that trap. Basing myself on something that will eventually fade away or unpredictable.

Recently though I have been thinking a lot of about my identity and how it is actually in Christ. So at the end of the day, no matter how frustrated I get with my marks, my looks or even what my body is doing I can know that

GOD HAS STAYED THE SAME

and that in Him I can find myself.

I hope that other people can do the same, go to him and find themselves in the one who stays the same. That way rather then going to bed at night and wondering what is going on I can go to bed knowing that God is good and someway somehow I can and will get through this. Praise him!

Butterflies

Colours
Floating. Fluttering. Flying. Falling and swooping and landing.
Symbol of change
                    of Hope
                         of endurance
With wings they bring a symbol of hope that the One can truly bring
they bring a remember of strength that the One can offer
The colours provide a picture of the colours that the One wants to offer in life

Remember the colours
The delicate hand that he used to paint each wing
the same hand that painted each of your features,
the same beautiful mixture of colours that he used to paint your eyes and your hair.

Remember them flying
high above the world and its problems
the One can give you the same wings to fly
To fly high and conquer all that comes against you

Remember.
Remember the butterflies.


Dedicated to a good friend

Obliterating Singles Awareness Day

For many years (more like 2yrs...ish) I have called labelled this upcoming holiday "Singles Awareness Day" rather then Valentine's Day. I have come to realize that I need an attitude adjustment. How did I come to this? well.... I am currently sitting at school with a four hour break ahead of me and not looking forward to the work that has to get done. So I decided to take a break by reading some blogs and found a new one to follow! (Which is aways exciting!)

One of them mentioned that Valentine's Day is a celebration of love. A purposeful, planned time to spend with those you care about. It can also be a day to be reminded of the ultimate love that was given and where this beautiful love all began. I have declared to have been single for most of my life, and to an on looker it would appear that way. But in all reality my heart has been taken for a long time. I have been in a relationship with the same wonderful person since I decided to give me heart to him. This man has helped me though the most challenging times of my life and has also walked with through the joyous parts. It the challenging times he carried me and in the happy moments he smiled down at me. I am just starting to get to know him though. That's the beautiful thing about the relationship between him and I. He knows everything about me and each day I learn a little more about him. And as I learn to give more and more of myself to him, I fall more and more in love with him. This man is my saviour, my knight in shining armor and also happened to be there at the creation of the universe. In short he is perfect. This Valentine's day rather then feeling sorry for myself or being upset that I have to study I can rejoice because I have a beautiful romance growing within my heart.

The best part is that my lover;  HE IS LOVE.

1John 4:8 

Holding Me

I have to say that I really do enjoy God's little blessing that he grants us each day. Like yesterday for instance I watch a little red head girl shout her friends name because he was coming to join her in the pool for swimming, and of course having a cute smile on her face.

Driving home and its starting to get dark later. I drove home this week with a sunset behind me an a huge moon that was just coming out in front of me.

Knowing at the end of the day, when I crawl into bed I have one stable thing in my life and that being Christ.
This week will not be an easy one. Mentally I have so much to get done homework wise and I don't know how much sleep with actually be permissible. Then emotionally so many of my friends within the program feel the same way, wanting to give up and are wondering if nursing is actually for them. It makes me sad to hear such things spoken. Especially when you can see that they are going to be an excellent nurse. I feel burdened by their struggles and I am desperately clinging to the one that is holding them all in his hands.

Holding Me
Problems of life, both mine and others
Weighing on my back
Stressors have comsumed my body
wondering when they will escape
So Jesus to you I run, to you I take my refuge
You are the one that holds all things in your hands
Hold me Jesus, my body. thoughts. emotions.
Feed your stength into me from your hands
Through me may your strength stream to others as well
I know that you will keep me going
Going to the end
But Jesus, if it's ok, make the end come soon
Or at least make it seem that way
~erika

Keep me Going

So tonight I was dialogueing with a friend about the torturous homework brought upon us over the next two weeks. I honestly have no idea how I am going to do it and be successful with it all, esp. since I have discovered that unlike doing an allnighter for a paper, doing an allnighter for a presentation and have to then sit in class for another 4 hrs is so! not cool.

I was thinking about it though and this whole nursing program and esp. over these last few weeks I have seriously doubted that this is the field that I want to be in. I have quickly failed to forget who got me here in the first place, My Prince. Each step from the first day that stepped onto Heritage campus he was calling me back to his ministry. The place where he got my attention back on missions and was the one that showed me that Nursing was an option; a very good option. The profession its self is an act of compassion, serving the patients, helping the sick as Jesus calls us to do. It can take me places where other people can not go, into places that are not yet reached.

Without him I would have given up a long time ago, so Jesus grant me the strength that I need to get through these next two weeks. Let your strength be a witness to your power through me and do not let me take the credit that you deserve. As you and I journey though these next two weeks may your light shine upon my friends and offer them peace, just as you have granted me. Let the little sleep that we do get be enough to sustain us through. May you also bless us a few laughs too. May my friends to seek after you even if they do not know you, and if you will, give me one more chance to share something about you.

Most of all thank you for not letting go. When all else fails, and everything around me has seemed to fall to pieces you remain the same. You never let go of me, my prayer is that my soul will never turn against your will and I will never stop looking at you. My beautiful prince, for all you have done I thank you, for all you will do, I praise you!

Love from a daughter of the King
~Erika

The topic of the night was marriage and remarriage. When I heard this I was like ok....how do I apply this? I'M NOT MARRIED....not even in a relationship....SINGLE! How does this apply to me? I am not go to go into detail about we discussed because I will not be able to articulate it well but basically the punch line of the evening was

Remember the Value of Marriage

  

The pastor went back to Genesis and pointed out some pretty cool things

1. Marriage is to be a reflection of community and relationship between a Triune God (mirror reflection of God) therefore our greatest satisfaction in marriage is when this mirror image can be seen

2. When united as one flesh more then just a physical sense, "two people headed in the same direction, while maintaining who you are and your own gifts"

One flesh literally means -ONE unit, when I think of that I think of same thoughts actions, reactions, emotions etc.

 

 

So how does this apply to me? Well this is what I came up with based on prior knowledge

1. CHOOSE CAREFULLY -- since my marriage is to represent or have an mirror image to God I don't want to be doing that with just the average Joe. I want that person to be best qualified to match me so that we can function as a single unit

2. WAIT -- becoming one flesh is more then just becoming physically one person but also emotionally. Having been in a few relationships myself, as we developed those emotions for each other we give them to that person. And in return I got some of theirs. Now since we were connected in that way we are now separated I am not 'whole' as  I once was. Now God is a God of restoration but some things can not be taken back. Due to the value of marriage and what it represents I was reminded that guarding my heart is so important.

3. DATING FOR MARRIAGE -- The value of marriage is so high that it should not be messed with. ex. If you were hanging something on a wall you wouldn't start just drilling random holes until you found a spot but rather you would think it through so that it would look great and have no extra holes in the wall. Same with dating, you don't want to date around until you find something you like, rather you wait until you know for certain that Mr. or Mrs. Right is actually right.

I wrote this out a while back but I think its one of those things that can be a reminder to us. It was an interesting and challenging motion that was put forward and is often hard to except. But if one does then the results will be beyond what was ever imagined!



Stories

The little stories that you share with people are often what brings along a good laugh, a good cry and everything in between. I was visiting with an friend who is quite elderly and he says that often those who pass away,  the stories that those people have are often lost because no one has taken the time to give a ear and listen or to write them down.
So I decided to write some of them down because from his stories there are always lessons to be learned.

Back in the 1970's he was a pastor of a church. During this time the government was willing to pay for half of the cost for someone to come over and become new Canadians (people who were refugees). His congregation suggested that they wanted to participate in this so they sponsored 2 families to come over, 2 moms and four children. Many of the details were uncertain but shortly after he received a call that the families had arrived in Canada. He and his wife then came and picked them up and set the families up in there own home and he and is wife slept in the trailer out back.

During this time, to take a sabbatical was also being pushed onto pastors (my guess is that this was relatively a new thing) so two weeks after these two families arrived he was leaving to go to a school to take various courses. During these two weeks that they spent together him and his wife worked really hard to teach these ladies all that they needed to know to live here in canada. They taught them about how to use the tools in there home. He said that the first night that they stayed in their house they left all the lights on becuase they did not know how to turn them off.

He left for his sabitical and the other members of the church were able to find the family a new home and the families got settled. Now many years later in 2011 these ladies found this pastor and called him and asked to visit him. He, due to his poor health was only able to see them for a short 20 minute visit was imensly blessed. These women stayed true to their word and only stayed for twenty minutes but gave him the biggest hugs he has ever recieved, never has been squeezed so hard in his life.

When he finished that story I was amazed how times had changed and how one person can change another person's life. People should not forget these stories and be remind how a little care and hospitality can go a long way. I hope that more people now will remember these stories and be encouraged by this mans wonderful life.

Waiting for Discovery

Nursing is about people, nursing is about education, assessments, communication. Yet with all these things stated I have not determined what the role of the nurse is. It may be defined by a McMaster handbook or defined by a textbook but in all reality the definition is not so easily described. I have come across parts through tidbits of wisdom from the well experienced nurses, who are also my teachers. The role of a nurse may seem to an onlooker as something that is easy to understand with clear boundaries in place. Maybe for some, but I,
I have yet to discover such boundaries.

Yes, at times it is exciting to learn these things that I am, but I it has also caused me to question why are we learning such concepts or how are we to apply them? Application. A scary but wonderful thing.Application through experience is what I have determined is the answer to what a nurse is.

Experience is the only way to determine the role of a nurse. I wonder though if there are in reality any concrete boundaries? Yes, there are standardized Best Practice Guidelines that must be followed, and rules and regulations of each facility that is worked within. That would be the answer, but each nurse working within such lines (boundaries I guess) has their own view, interpretation and understanding of such things. And since each one is different then this idea of concrete boundaries cease to exist.
So what is the role of a nurse? An individual who effectively functions with the patient to provide for their needs within the lines of rules, regulations and standards interpreting their role through gained experience. I then have yet to define the role of a nurse because I have not had the opportunity to do so.

I will wait for that day.

It is easier to fight for TRUTH then to live for TRUTH

That is why we have more defenders then we have disciples
-Jon Korkidakis

We've all worked in sin and death was the minimum wage

But if it wasn't for Christ we would have almost got paid

-P4CM

What ever capture’s your heart capture’s your life

What ever change’s your heart change’s yourlife
-Jon Korkidakis

 “God, if you give me more details about my future...I would take a step of faith” God answers “You don’t get more information until you start walking”
-Disciple Making Pastor

Knowing what you want to do in life

                  is just as important as
Knowing who you want to do life with
-Jessica Dempster

Life without Missions

I was surfing facebook and checked out one of my friends pages that put this video online and wow!
http://vimeo.com/23020955

One thing that they said that really hit me was
We can put up with a leaky roof
We can not live without missions

This small church in the Philippines gave the money that they had to fix their roof to a farming cooperation to help make money to support missionaries.

How much does this say to our churches here in North America as well as our personal hearts? I have to say that I was personally challenged with this one.

Stinky Husbands

So I thought of this of as I was reading my psychology textbook and thought it was pretty hilarious and thought of sharing it.
According to experiments done, women are naturally more attracted to a males natural odour that have  dissimilar MHC genes to their own. This is a positive thing because offspring of people that have similar MHC genes often resulted in weaker immune systems.

What made me laugh though was that in bible times esp. around the time of Abraham that the people that were married had similar genes because they generally married distant family members. SOOO these women must have found their husbands very stinky people.

 I have to say that I am very glad that I have more selection.

More over I thought it was pretty amazing that God decided to add this in to help us produce offspring in the most effective way possible. God is a pretty creative!

A Letter from God

Recently there has been much chat about what people want to do for their futures and what there calling is. It seems that many of the people that I am around say "I have no idea what I want to do" or "I am not sure that I am being called to that anymore" So then my thoughts start to wonder and I ask

I am really called to be a missionary?
Does God really want me to go?

I was telling God that I do not want to doubt Him or his calling in my life.  I ask him to help me to continue to remember my reasons. Today he more then amazingly answered my prayer.

Back in the summer of grade 12 so summer 2010 I went to Poland for two weeks to work at an English Camp that my Church does every two years. While we were there we wrote letters to ourselves, telling us of things that we were supposed to remember and things to encourage us with. This is what my letter said;

Erika,
Talking to everyone here and simply being here has brought me back to the moment in grade 3 when you ask you parents how to spell missionary. You see you had to make a presentation about what you wanted to be and you said missionary. You are now here in Poland and soon going for a year that is focused on missions. This is God calling you back. So ask yourself when you receive this letter what is God calling you to do. Have you been praying about it? Where is he calling you?

Today I got that letter. Today I reminded of my reasons.