His Love

Christmas is a time to spend with friends and family. A time to reflect and celebrate Jesus birthday. This Christmas I discovered that I missed spending it with 2 people, one of them being Jesus. As my family and I were watching a movie, I was thinking about the last few days of Christmas and my thoughts and feelings that came along with it when i stumbled to this conclusion. It then prompted this train of reasoning and this question

God, out of his love, sent his Son on Christmas to die for me so that we could have a relationship
God had that much love to give up his Son,
Go through all that pain to give me life AND!
Pursues me over and over again even though  I fail to maintain the relationship that he amazingly offered

If.... these things are all true... and I believe that they are... Then would he not also have the best possible plan for me?

God kindly answered that question

I was reading through the book of John and over and over again John writes that Jesus was sent by God. Jesus knew that he was sent to this world for a purpose.
Jesus was sent out of love. Every time John records Jesus saying that I think it was Gods way of saying

I Love You

God sent his Son out of love to rescue you us and to establish a self sacrificing love relationship with us. Now,what little I do know  about love  is that if you love someone this much you will desire to give them the  best, and will do what ever it takes to get it done. Now the way that God sent Jesus was not the most predictable, easygoing or layed-back way of completing the goal. I really don't think God operates that way. Sometimes life is hard, life sucks, and you have no idea why he is bringing you through the things that he has, but something that we can depend one that he does have our best in store;

If we choose to follow him

with no hesitations

with no reserves

He will give us the best

So this Christmas I missed 2 people, on being Jesus and another being someone that I am still waiting for, someone who I hope is missing me too. But no matter how long it takes, no matter the daily battles that I face I will wait. I continue to look forward to the Christmas day that we can spend together. I missed 2 people this Christmas but Jesus did not overlook me. He was waiting for me the whole time, sitting beside me, watching me open presents and waiting for me to receive his.

His Eyes, Not Mine

I am reading a book for a study break and stumbled across this quote. And hear are some thoughts about it.

"I needed to start looking at life through God's eyes instead of my own. Because God was in complete control, all of this loneliness, all this pain, all this patience, would one day pay off. One day it would all, hopefully, make sense."

Dear Jesus,

Please help me to do this look through your eyes right now. Remember that you placed passion for caring for others, that my care would be a channel to heal their hearts. That the tears that I cry would not go to waste and that the time of waiting would be a place to grow. Let me remember that you have place me here in this loneliness to rely on you more then anyone else and that my decisions, my actions, my dreams are to see that you are glorified and that you be recognized. Do not let me forget that it is through these times it is your strength that is getting me through and not my own. You have a story planned out for me and may I embrace it with joy knowing that out of it I may become more and more complete, the princess you created me to be. May the beauty that I portray simply be a reflection of your radiance shining through me and let me never forget that I am willing to go. That there are people who need to hear and that I am willing to tell. Obstacles of language, fear, distance, debt stand in my way but you are conquerors of all these things. In the mean time show me ways not to compromise who I am in you to reach people that are around me now. Let me see the common ground or help me make one to reach you lost children, let them see you through me.

Your Lover

~erika

Cast Your Burden

Challenging times always arise when someone close to you decides to denounce there faith. To stop believing in something that they have wrestled through for a long time, giving up on the fact  that there was no good answer or that answer was not good enough.

We know face the facts of why did God let this happen, how could this happen, especially if that person has been poured into so much. We might go even as far as did I say enough? Should I have said more, done more, been there more? and then God cares about his lost sheep and it burdens him to know that one has turned their back on him. And just as we are to care about what he cares about we become burdened as well. But how are we, in the midst of school stressors and exams supposed to carry this burden for the lost?

I don't think God intended for us to take that burden anywhere, carry it any where, he expected it to be laid at his feet. God never intended for us to carry it, move it, or live with it. He wanted us to recognize it and bring it before Him to lay at His feet. To cast a heavy load into a new place and it is often not at all easy. To cast your burden at his feet will take time. We must remember to stand before our King in His throne room and place our burdens at His feet. This encounter only happens through prayer. Take the time to unload your burdens of others before the King, he wants you to stop carrying them, stop moving around and to

Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
-Psalm 22:55a

Let Him do what he wanted to do in the first place, to sustain you.

Declaration of Love

I have said this many times this year that I think Christmas is the most romantic time of the year. The time of year where things get all gushy  goshy with the loved ones and more importantly time with the family is spent together.

This time of year, the reason why we celebrate Christmas is the beginning of a beautiful romance that God has written out for each of us. Several friends and I were watching a movie and at the end one of them said " I want a man to declare his love to me!" The cool thing is, one already has. When Jesus came as a baby he was declaring his love for us.  He declared his stedfast, sacrifical love for us, and Christmas was the beginning.

 

So as I  celebrate Christmas this year and feel, hear, taste, and smell this wonderful season I am going to remember that this was a declaration of love.

Your Heart

Being a Christian makes dating and relationships much more complicated for a very simple reason; waiting for the best. For many of us (including myself) this realization that dating (multiple people) isn't a smart idea doesn't really occur til after we have dated... and broken up. Many ask though, what is the harm of dating more then one, the bible doesn't say anything directly about dating, and, it doesn't because DATING DID NOT EXIST IN BIBLE TIMES!
So how in the stink are we supposed to figure out dating now in the 21st century? Excellent question! There are a galore of books relating to such topics of dating and courting but there is something else that should be thought about along with this whole idea of waiting and dating.

Your Heart.

Above all else; guard your heart for it is the the wellspring of life

-Prov 4:23

When you are told to guard something it generally means its important, and this verse is saying that guarding your heart should be held above everything else. Therefore my conclusion is that it's pretty stinken IMPORTANT! So what does this mean? To try to condense it into a short sentence is to squish my anatomy textbook and all its information into a 2 page paper... aka impossible. But here are some ideas.

To protect what goes in and monitor what comes out
To make sure that you are not giving it away to anyone who is less the the best and making sure the love that is coming out of it is Christ's love; pure and holy.
To insure that our complete and utter dependence, worth and value are in him.

But what if we took it one step further? What if we choose not only to guard our own hearts but also the ones around us. What if we took into consideration how we would effect people by the way we dress, the way we act and how we spend our time. What if we thought about looking at the people around us as someone else's spouse? I think it would give a very different perspective.

We often lose sight of waiting because our culture is so fast pace and has given up on the idea that marriage lasts. God doesn't work in that timing, he works with what is most important.

Your Heart.

Above all else; guard your heart for it is the the wellspring of life

-Prov 4:23

The homeostasis of Christianity

The definition of homeostasis is a relatively stable state of equilibrium or a tendency toward such a state between the different but interdependent elements or groups of elements of an organism, population or group.

When I think of homeostasis I think positive and negative feedback loops to maintain equilibrium in the human body. Interestingly enough just as it keeps our bodies stable, functional and healthy, the homeostasis of the Christian faith is what keeps us healthy and strong in our faith.

This idea that everything had to live in tension or balance with each other was first presented to me in my Post-Exilic Prophets class by my prof korkidakis (wise man!) As a christian, with the world surrounds us and the principles that Christs teaches us, it is necessary to keep a balance.

It was really neat and reassuring that there was not just one man who had this thought, but I was reminded about living in this balance, tension, homeostasis in a bible study that I recently joined at Conestoga. We are going through the sermon on the mount and got to the part of;

"eye for eye, and tooth for tooth"
"walk the extra mile"
"hits you on one cheek, let him hit your other"
"takes your cloat, let him have your tunic as well"
All these teaches both have a deeper and lager principle and require balance to maintain what Christ had intended when he said these things.

This balancing act goes way beyond us, just as homeostasis of our bodies is far beyond our capability to manage or understand. Everything that Jesus taught goes way beyond us. So how do we manage to stay within the homeostasis equilibrium of Christianity? Wisdom, lots of wisdom and lots of dependence.

"And if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him"
-James

Everything that we do: our time management,our actions, relationships and so many other matters require balance. To far one side we are being part of the world, to far the other way we are start acting as legalists and lose the Cross of Christ. In every part of our lives we require to have balance to able to live in the world but not of the world, to follow Christ. This balance act is not a one time thing, not a one time show, but a day by day, moment by moment dependence on him to show you how to maintain the homeostasis of Christianity.

Still Catching My Breath

Last night was one of those useless nights where nothing goes right. My Internet wasn't working, I did the wrong questions for my anatomy class and I couldn't concentrate on anything due to previous distractions. All I wanted to do was cry because I thought that my life was going absolutely horrible because I needed to do homework and I could not... so I did dishes instead.

As I was doing dishes I decided to give myself a reality check and be logical in the midst of my emotional chaos of the evening. So I sat down and start writing out all the blessing that I did have, from having a warm bed, to having food to eat, to being able to read a book in my spare time (not that I actually have any of that but...). It turns out I had about 2+ pages and that wasn't even thinking super hard...well kinda hard but not like brain racking hard.

Before I started writing God asked me if He was enough?
Before I started writing I said no

After I finished writing God asked me if He was enough?
After I finished writing I said yes

God then asked
If I take everything away from you, will you still say yes?

Good question I replied because from this week it doesn't seem like my answer would be yes.
I am like the rich young ruler who walks away with his head down because I do not know if I could do it... kinda sounds ironic coming from a girl who wants to leave everything and go to India huh?
Well it is because I am a sinful and lost my focus. God had to let me get here to get my attention

He got it back when he said this

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

HIS LIGHT WILL NEVER BE OVERCOME BY DARKNESS

I will never be overcome by darkness

That Time of Year

 School is stressful and homework is pressing and the time of semester comes where a million and two things need to get done and not enough time, so devotions and quiet time slips from my hands. And I am left empty and fighting against thoughts, feelings and actions that are not honouring to my Prince.

I was reading a book (for men) about how to be Men of God and Defenders of those who can not defend themselves. The author talked about ways that the devil attempts to destroy the relationship with our prince (king) through defilement, delusion, d-something and distraction. My name is Erika Rauws and I was distracted. I was so consumed with papers reading and other homework that I neglected spending genuine time with my prince. Instead I always doing homework and spending time with friends.

On Thursday I knew that I need to go on a date with Jesus but I was distracted. Thursday night was bible study but this week were out visiting the elderly, I was going to go on my date then but their weren't enough people to go visiting so I did that instead. Friday night I made plans with friends and thought it was important to build a relationship with them (and glad that I could talk with them) so I had to cancel my date again. Saturday was consumed by laundry, homework, work and more homework; didn't have time to go on that date. Sunday afternoon was filled with more homework, this time i avoided going on that date.

Then Monday. Go to work and get to school and walking to class someone points out that my water bottle is leaking... more like literally POURING out of my purse. Nothing was damaged which was good but everything was soaked.

Day at School: Finished.

I walked back to my locker, packed my bags and drove home. Well actually went Christmas decorating shopping and bought notebook and then went home. I made my journal re packed my bags and FINALLY went on my date with Jesus. Two hours in my favourite coffee shop reading my bible. 5 days later. Doesn't seem like a long time but on Monday I felt like I was neglecting my best friend and missed some one dearly. Turns out I was missing him. ALOT!

For a while now I had stopped looking for him, stopped talking to him and stopped listening to him.  I felt myself sliding down this slippery slope for a while. But now the process of restoring our relationship has begun. The incredable this is that he never left me. HE was the one who made the effort of getting my attention. And I am grateful the the relationship that I have with him is two sided. He has given everything for me and is willing to chase after me, and I have finally stopped running, I am catching my breath and walking towards his arms, ready to rest in Him.

Dance For the King

So every Sunday morning I have the amazing opportunity to step into my church, hang with some amazing children and worship my Lord without the risk of persecution, a luxury that most of the global church does not have.

On Sunday I was able to stand beside a beautiful six year old girl and we worship together. The musical worship was wonderful that morning; partly because it was the youth band and they generally pick really good and more upbeat songs and because I could look down and see a delighted smile on this girls face. Since it was more upbeat it was really easy to sway to the tunes and kinda move around a bit. It was super cute because when I started moving so did she and it was simply wonderful because although she could not sing the words she could worship with her body.

As  I was looking around, I saw two youth sitting at the front. For the song that we were singing we were standing and it was an upbeat song but OHH MY WORD!! They looked like the two most bored people I have ever seen in the whole world. They looked completely still and zoned out other then the fact that their lips where moving to the words. This was a pretty big contrast to what me and my friend were doing.  I continued to look around and saw some people who you could tell were enjoying themselves but others who kinda looked like them... Super Bored.
 

Now if I flew over any of the choirs that we met in Cameroon, their jaws probably would have dropped at the sight of my congregation. This is the one thing about Cameroon I miss the most; them dancing. Now I can't dance and suck at keeping any kind of rhythm still a little boggy for my King I think would not be a bad thing. Every time we went to church in Cameroon we were up on our feet dancing and singing praises to the King!

It makes me sad to think that we have this stigma in our church that we can't dance or clap before our king while we worship. I keep remembering David and how he dances naked (now I am not saying go this far... NOT APPROPRIATE!) because he was so delighted in his King. When we go to worship I think we need to remember who we are worshipping. Yes God gave us bodies to do his work and help others but we should worship with our whole bodies. For some this may mean to stand still in awe of him but for other its means to dance before him. Something that has been lost in our Church's today.

Christmas Wish List

~Any new Music Cd’s to listen to in car

~Watch Bracelet

~Ear Phones -- listening to music

~9’ by 13’ pan for baking

~Blood Pressure Pump – a pretty one  pale blue in it to match stethoscope
unfortunately had to get one early for school but i can take your blood pressure if you like :P
~New desk lamp
~Money towards white puma shoes... size 6

Other Ideas

~Card games, board games
~Juice Jug roommate took care of that one! :)
~Juice box -- for school lunch

Screens

Upon my early rise this not so wonderful Tuesday morning, my graceful tumble out of bed, legs tangled in the covers and face on the ground resulted in a successful mutilation of my computer screen. Graciously there was an available monitor that could be connected to my laptop thus making the writing of this blog possible.

In the midst of my despair of now having an non portable computer I have come to the realization of the heavy dependence of such luxuries. I was muling over the thought as I was making dinner and realized how much we rely on such screens.

We spend countless hours looking at these screens. They relay information, from around the world politics to our next door neighbour’s hourly activities, ie facebook, we use these screens to communicate thoughts and express ourselves through poems, blogs and quotations learned for others. We spend countless, more like counted hours, looking at the screen insuring that each word and letter is correct and not misplaced in what seems endless essays and reports.

Through these screens we have in-depth conversations on the latest chat feature; either twitter, skype, facebook or gmail. We express our deepest most intimate thoughts through email or through the newest screen, texting. Yet these screens are very good at concealing the real issues. A simple exclamation mark can make something ordinary into extraordinary. Yet in the same moment the correct wording of a sentence can lead to complete falsehood. The person’s true emotions concealed through an eloquent array of words.

Screens also have an excellent way of creating isolation. Rather then calling that person we send them an email. Rather then visiting them we see them on skype. Rather then talking to the person across the room we text them instead. These screens have created our world filled with chaos since we no longer need to spend time on such things. Rather we can fill our lives with work and other responsibilities. Jobs are demanding more and more due to the readily access of resources and individuals through these screens.

Once there was a time where one could not hide behind the screen, we had to come face to face with one another, shared intimate moments together sitting side by side, hearing each other voices and looking at each others eyes. These moments are now few and rare and should be cherished or soon may waste away to nothing more then a wall of endless screens.

It was Right.....

The nice thing about reading my bible and then guarding the pool after is that I have a good chunk of time to think, chew, meditate on what read. I have been going through a reading plan that divides it into 4 sections.

Psalms and Wisdom
Pentateuch and History
Chronicles and Prophets
Gospels and Epistles

Its been interesting reading through this way because I am only reading a little of everything every day. The neat thing about it is that I do not feel overwhelmed about what i have to read about each day. Reading Chronicles feels like a fast tract through Israelite history. Like one of those overview courses which bombard you with information to give you the whole picture. I am already at Davidic Covenant, something popped out today that i haven't really thought about before. David has this pretty awesome palace that he lives in and then realized that God 'lived' in a tent, so he asked if he could build god a house too. Nathan the prophet that he talked to originally was like Sure! go for it! But God told him later to go tell David that he wasn't to do so. His son was instead.

As I was watching Aqua fit I was going through all of this and came up with some interesting thoughts....
So! Building a temple for God was not a wrong thing. I completely understand Davids thought process "I live in a Palace and my Lord lives in a tent, that does not seem right!"  to me that does not seem to be right either. But God told him that no, now is not the time, rather God simply wanted David to enjoy his palace. What got me was that David wanted to do the right and good thing but God said no.

It gave an interesting perspective on missions... or at least at 7am it did. Back in last October/November I was presented with the statistic that 90%  "religious professionals" serve the 10% of Christians here in N/A while the 10% are serving the other 90% .... or something along those lines. This was the biggest factor for me and still is.... why should i stay hear when there are so many others, I want to be a part of the 10% and not add to the 90. I continued to ask myself why others didn't feel the same way, but David gave me a different perspective, for some yes fear and other factors are holding them back from his call, but for others God is saying 'no' or 'not yet', he wants to use them with the 90%.

What really got my thoughts spinning was the fact that logically in my mind it made sense to be a part of the 10% ... why would I go where everyone else? The people else where need me more then here! And I think I still hold to that, becoming a nurse opens so many doors to restricted access countries, but it has made me think.

It has made me become more aware of the fears and challenges that will be faced over seas. Yet I have talked to one to many missionaries to know that these fears are real but God is bigger then all of them.

Nice to meet You

You know how there are people that say "when I get to heaven I want to meet Abraham" Well I would like to meet him too.... and a whole bunch of other people BUT right after I see Jesus, I want to meet a guy this I read about today.

We don't know his actual name but the very seldom but people's names in anyway... either a cultural thing or it simply wasn't that important to them. Anyway there was this dude was had a whole bunch of demons in him, and he was CRAZY. Like unstable crazy, like running around naked in the cemetery and super strong can break chains crazy. So people were pretty terrified of him. ( I would be too)

THEN! He gets healed by Jesus. and when the people see him, he is dressed, sitting at the feet of Jesus in his right mind. The people when they see him are still super duper scared of him and Jesus too. The people actually tell Jesus to leave because they are so scared of him.

The cool thing is though is this guy who got healed sooooo desperately wants to go with Jesus. But Jesus tells him to go and tell others about what has happened to him.

So the reason that I want to meet this guy is to hear his stories of telling others about Jesus. I want to hear his testimony of what his life was like before and after, especially  what it was like to grow and tell others.

So many times I find myself getting so excited about hearing new people come to Christ and want to hear how they get there and often forget that is only the beginning of the story. We forget to LISTEN to the rest of the stories. I want to hear about his stories and how he told others about God and how he learned more about Jesus. It would be so interesting to hear what he felt like when Jesus was crucified and then raised back to life. Or if he got to read the letters that Paul wrote or the gospels that the others wrote. I wonder if Luke actually ever talked to him about his story. So many questions to ask him.

In the mean time there are people all around me who I think have similar stories. Missionaries who, at least I think, would love to tell there stories about everyday life of what they went through and what happened. Past the stories of people coming to know Christ and past the stories, but of people growing and also the hardships that they face.  So what do I want to do, Listen to stories.

This week has been crazy and yes I hate to admit it... stressful. With my Anatomy Midterm complete and done and over with.... not looking forward to the results, I have been listening to some music and was blessed with the lyrics.

With other things going on in life such as waiting for the One, I was reminded that God does have a plan for my life. The dreams and desires of my heart to follow and serve him are not in vain.

Rest assured; Dreams don't turn to dust
-Owl City

After practically failing a midterm I went for a run and remind that my God was sovereign and simply needs to be worshipped

Holy God

Creating, Commanding, Transcendent Adonai

defending love destroying sin

the warrior divine

-Brian Doerkson

This year has been alot of taking one step at a time. And at the end of each day I want to

Love you like its automatic
make you into my good habit
your the only one that really matters
every minute everyday day its automaticly ok
when I make it all about you
-Stellarkart

It's Not Worth Anything

Midterms, essays, book reports, papers and those major projects are all slowly creeping up which makes for a very stressful time of year.

Facebook, video games, baking, eating, playing sports, going to the mall and pretty much anything else that will help one procrastinate from studying looks even more wonderful. (blogging could be included....)

Much of our procrastination time is spent on things that really aren't worth much like endless hours on facebook or watching mindless TV to attempt to give us a break and distract us for a moment. The issue is though that this procrastination time leaves us stressed and for those who are pro enough not to procrastinate and their brains have simply shut off cause we are using them to the max also leaves us super duper overwhelmed and well .... STRESSED!

As a Christian have you ever thought about what God thinks about your stress?
Well I have actually.... a little and would like to share my thoughts
So! First I would like to identify what the stress is.... more like what I think it is.
The bad kind of stress that leaves one feeling sick, flustered, and disillusioned with all the homework or tasks that one faces is the type that I am discussing here. We are worried or concerned that something will not get done on time or something will go wrong or someone will be upset etc.

So what do these have all in common? Several things actually! First for the most part they are not in our control (in regards to homework we are told that we should have had better time management skills.... for some YA RIGHT!). We as humans love to have our grubby little hands over everything and control everything. Second for the most part these things will come to pass and not make a huge difference in our lives to come ... I do understand how life changing decisions do not apply to this.Yet?
                                         Does stress make it happen any faster or more effectively?
       Does stress bring us any closer to God? in my case no i feel far from him
Does stress improve our lives in any way, big or small?        
                                       Does stress do anything for us?                                 NO!
NO!
                 NO!                                               NO!                       NO!                               NO!
 NO!                                    NO!                                                                NO!
                                                                                        NO!
From those questions my personal conclusion is that

Stress is not Worth it, any of it

I made the commitment this year not to be stressed because it's not worth it. Not worth my time, my energy or my emotions because in reality none of those are mine anyway. There God's. Everything that I am and have is his and from what I understand of who God is he does not want me to suffer like this and I do not have to. Yes we are still going to feel overwhelmed with work and our personal lives but even with this chaos swirling around us we can and should find peace in knowing that he is holding us and everything around us together.

So if you are feeling stressed I would suggest to do this, take a couple of very deep and slow breaths, calm your body down and go somewhere that is quite and be still. Be still and calm and quite and know that God is God.

Be still and know that I am God

Friday Frenzy

So I have to say though most people enjoy Fridays because its the weekend and for many college students its party time for me this Friday was more of a flustering brain dead test day. And some thoughts and special little gifts were given.
The chaos began when at 11pm Thursday evening when I realized that I had potentially lost a master key to a city building, NOT a good thing. So after searching my apartment I came to the conclusion that it was not there. So I wake up at five hoping that someone will get to work a little early to let me in praying that I would find my key in the parking lot or in the driveway. I didn't find my key in either of these places which in all reality was a very good thing. It was sitting rather nicely on the desk in the guard office.

A restless night was Thursday's. First of the semester and it didn't have to do with school. I was fearful that I was going to get fired or I would not get everything done in time and just plan freaking out that I was late. When it came down to it though its 5:30 in the morning... 5:50am by the time in the building... who in the world would be up that early to fire me for not having a key? plus! I could get all the necessary things done for the pool in that 10 minutes.
Soo... it got even more interesting when I was just finishing up the pool duties and decided to drop the end of the buoy line on my toe and it started bleeding at large. Oh morning craziness! I still don't understand how that worked :P

The ironic -thing about this whole situation is that on Wednesday night I decided to start memorizing Romans 8:28-39 (I think) and the first verse goes like this

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.

So Thursday rather then freaking out about my key I simply could have remembered that good wanted something good to come out of this ordeal. And something good did happen :) My toe bled. I know kinda funny huh? Glad that my toe decided to bleed. Well I will explain why...

WARNING! this could get somewhat graphic for those who are not huge fans of the subject.

Anywho! So there was a couple of minutes that it took for me to get a band aid on before I could go clean up the deck where I hurt my toe. When I went over there it was really cool to see how my blood had already clotted (at least I think it did) around the edges. To contain its self. Now God could have made blood that way so it would be easier to clean up I don't know. OR he created it for us to look at and marvel at the mystery and beauty of the human body. Thinking about how there were living cells on the deck that God created to feed my muscles oxygen and other important nutrients. It was really neat to think about. God shows up in amazing ways each day to bless, encourage and challenge us to remember who he is!

Silence can Speak more then Words can

I am standing there in the crowd watching as the events fold out. Watching the chief priests with the scribes and the elders and the Sanhedrin accuse Jesus of things that he did not  do. I am standing on the outside watching the events unfold.

That's what if feels like every time I open my bible to the book of mark. I feel like I am right in the middle of the action. Reading about what happened to Jesus before his crucifixion is so challenging, I do not want him to die. Today I entered into Pilate's domain and watched how the traditions went down, and a few things caught my attention.

First Jesus is standing their bound with rope, tired since he has been up all night and beaten from his trial in the night. He stands before them, hearing these constant accusations that are not true at all yet he remains silent. He didn't defend himself in any way against these false accusations. He remained silent for me and the countless others who were and are saved by him. He had every right, every reason, to say that everything that they were saying was false; but he didn't. He stood in silence, and because of that Pilate was amazed. Jesus did not defend himself but rather he simply stood there knowing that he was in the right and what he was doing was not for himself but for others.
I think we need to learn from that.

Ultimately though Jesus stood silent for me and countless other like me. He stood there not defending himself so that I could be saved. It would have been a lot easier from him to say something but he did not. He was silent for me.

It is not always necessary to let others know that you are indeed right. Its not necessary to defend yourself about something that you know is right. Sometimes you just let them know and let them come around in there own terms in there own way. I wonder if Pilate ever did that?

"When you change what you believe,

You Change what you do"



This was another quote from our change theory class for PBL. I think it was talking about the stage of change that when you realize that the change is good then you become more willing to complete the change.

During Bible Study last night I was remind about this quote, we were discussing persecution and how their is this understanding that experiencing persecution is a part of our faith. A question was raised about that if we are not persecuted then are we really a Christian since it says that all Christians are to be persecuted?

A point was raised from the perspective of the persecuted church. Those who are persecuted made the choice of following Christ because the had a full grasp of what he did for them and what he deserves. When they change from a person trapped in sin to a person following Christ they know that they have to change. It's either all in or nothing. Makes sense; I don't think a person there would want to die for "fire assurance"-- as we seem to use it in North America. We choose to say yes to Christ because that way we know we are going to heaven. But is that really changing anything? If we are not doing anything about it have we really changed? Have we made that commitment to Christ?

So how does this relate back to persecution? Well lets connect the dots. Change often is a good thing but also can bring discomfort. Following Christ is more then just going to church every Sunday and reading you bible. Its about change, sacrifice and commitment. Here in North America we have comfort and safety blanks all around us. So what if we started shedding those things off? What if instead of getting the nicest car getting a used one to give more money away? Or living in not the nicest house? or giving up the unlimited texting plan to have a little more to give to offering?

Yes, I understand that these things are not like being physically persecuted in China. But persecution does not have to be physical, it could be emotional too.

We are surrounded by safely nets and comfort blankets, shed some of those off and let yourself be exposed to persecution around you. It will come. I think we almost have to put ourselves there. But if we do those around us will know who our God is! It comes down to this; Soli de Gloria!

"When you move beyond your fear, you feel free"

It was interesting quote because we heard this when I was in my PBL class talking about change. When change is approaching many people become fearful because it is new and they are afraid of the unknown. But when they move past their fear they often discover that the unknown change is actually a good thing.

What really got my attention was that God tells us the same thing. God calls us to give everything thing to him, our lives, our money, our family, our future, everything. This ultimately means that when we do this we are entering into the unknown, most of us dreading or fearing it.

Now for the change above the "moving beyond your fear" was your own doing with your own strength. With moving past the fear of letting go and giving everything to God we have two promises. First is that he says to never fear because he is always with us. (which is pretty incredible, the God of universal power is protecting us!) Secondly when we give our lives to him he frees us from all the sin and then promises our lives with be full or abundant. Knowing that God what our lives to be lived to the best is amazing. We are going to have a live that is truly awesome time!

This small little quote that was learned in my PBL class is actually biblical truth that God offers, funny how he up shows in everything.

Strong Fortress

So I have to say that today had its ups and downs for sure
1. I found out that I have staff training on Sunday which means missing church
2. Got a ticket today for parking beside the parking spot because as always there are no actual parking spots available
3. I set the alarm off... again
4. and I bought oatmeal raisin cookies instead of chocolate chip (which by the way is a huge deal because now I am not going to be able to satisfy my cookie addiction!)

On the plus side though my oven is working and I didn't fall asleep in Anatomy class, pretty much everything was completely over my head but didn't fall asleep so I think that is a BONUS!

Any who... this morning I was reflecting on a verse that talked about God as being our strong fortress and I was trying to imagine and encompass what that would look like in my everyday life. And I have to say that today was a very good example of what it is. The fortress that surrounds me is Christ. I know that Christ is stronger then anything that can come against me and I also know that the fortress that I am standing in will never fall down. So what I imagined as I was standing on the pool deck was me standing in the fortress with bombs hitting the walls. I was scared and could hear and feel the impact but I knew that I was safe. So the hard times in life we feel and hear are real and even though we feel them we can be reassured that the walls that are around me are protecting me and I can feel safe and ultimately at peace.

It's kinda funny how the devil knows you are thinking these things so he shots some of those bombs at your walls hoping that I will think that they might crumble. But he's wrong the wall of Christ that I am encompassed is much stronger then anything that he can through at me. In short boom roasted! You ain't touching me!

Thoughts from here to around the world: Health

In clinical today (one of my classes for nursing) we discussed the top three determinants of Health in Canada.

They are:
1. Income and social status
2.Social support networks
3. Education and Literacy
note:published by public health Canada

When we looked over these top three my mind began to fill with differant thoughts about my time in Africa as well as people here in Canada.
So lets take a look!

Its interesting, but logically makes sense that those who are most healthy have a good income. Think those who have more money can buy healther foods (since they are generally more expensive) can have to all inclusive gym pass etc. Along with money often comes greater social status which inforces a more postive lookout on life which increases mental health! yay!!! Now this is great in all that these high income people can be healthy but why should health be determined by the paycheck that the person recieves each week? I have no idea how to answer that question or fix that problem but it was brought to my attention today. Who are the people that need healthcare and assistance the most? The ones who don't have that money. I am hoping to learn more this semester how this can be change or how people can make a differance in this area

Social support networks are also key. My logic of the reason is that if you have a network that can keep you accountable to being healthy then obviously its more likely going to happen! Its interesting to think in a global perspective of how differant cultures have differant support groups. Example of this would be in Africa people are 'group orientated' meaning that spending time alone or not building relationships is practically none existant there. So for them this is the easiest thing in the world! Which brings me hope that these people who are not considered high income can have a chance at truely being healthy by relying and helping each other!

The last one mentioned was education and literacy. Everytime I see the word literacy I think of the organization I went to Cameroon with this summer. We discussed with one of the literacy teachers in Oku and he explained that they had literacy availible in the Oku language to help people become more aware of health issues. I have also learned that this is happening in a variety of other minority languages around the world. Its fantastic to think that Health is being promoted and these people have the chance to recieve education in regards to health because of translation. I saw again and again how important it was for people to learn in their mother tongue so to teach them health in it as well is incredible!

So what's the conclusion of all of this? Well to get you to think  and for me to start my thinking and connecting process. When I first heard these determinants in made me almost cry because there are people everywhere who do not have these basic things to help gain and maintain their health but as I was thinking about it more organizations such as Wycliffe are making a differance. The even cooler thing is that God gave these people who do not have the income the ability to build community that North America lost a long time ago.

This was also really neat because it gave me some insight into the needs that Canada faces in regards to Health and also around the world. Maybe this is part of Gods plan for my future, until then I'll keep learning and rely on him to give me the knowledge that I need to exceed and excel to be the best nurse I can be!

Here and now is only a minute compared to eternity come. Hold onto things lightly then and look foward to what you can hold forever.

I was riding in a car with a couple of people and one of them said that they wanted to be rich. From there a small discussion emerged. I said I never wanted to be rich because life becomes so much more complicated with so many more distractions. We did talk about how if we were rich what we could do like give more away or get a big house so that others could live there for free.

This conversation coincided directly to what I was reading in Mark 10 the next day. (funny how God does those things) Jesus explains to his disciples that it is a challenge for any rich man...well any man really, to enter into the Kingdom of heaven. Jesus tells them that only God is the one who can get man in. And all of us know this right? We know that if we believe in Jesus then we will go to heaven. But Jesus keeps going and says something that was even better.

He says that those who give up their family, their homes, their lives then they will receive a hunderd times full in eternity to come. I was struck by this really. That this life we are to give it to him and he will return to it to us even more in eternity. Now think 80 yrs vs. 1000000000. Thats alot, now think eternity! In all reality our time hear on earth is only a minute compared to eternity. Hold onto things lightly here and now. Give them back to him when ever he asks and be willing to go where ever he goes and do whatever he wants you to do. Your reward will be great and you CAN hold it forever!

One of Them

Have you ever been so engrossed in a book that you feel like you are one of the characters? This has happened to me sooooo many times. I remember when I was younger I was reading this series and got so into it that when I was shopping I said "Shannon would love this"..... Shannon was one of the characters in my book.

Recently, I have had this experience again but this time reading the book of Mark. Reading though I feel like I am one of the disciples. I am walking beside them, having the same doubts, troubles and conversations that they have. This started happening around chapter 7-8 when Jesus' focus turns more away from healing and teaching the crowd to teaching and discipling his 12 closest followers.

Its rather interesting really, how in all the events that the disciples experience, there is always a deeper lesson the Jesus desires his disciples to learn, and most of the time they don't. They are left with confused looks. I am one of them, having the same confused look on my face when I read what Jesus has said.

I am one of them. A confused disciple not completely understanding what Jesus is saying or even meaning. I must admit that the teachings of Jesus are not easy ones to implement in ones life or even understand right away.  But look at what the disciples become. John has AMAZING visions of what heaven is going to be. Peter bring the gospel to the world and so many of the the other disciples do the same. The disciples, in midst of their mistakes and slow progress of understanding of what Jesus taught them, were able to fulfill the commission that he gave to them. If they can that means that I can too.

So I will leave you with this, if you are feeling the same way, that this book that you are reading does not make sense or seems so impossible to apply to your life right now, hold on. Persevere though it and let Christ enlighten you like he did the disciples and what and see what amazing things he will have you do. Maybe your name will be one written down in Christian history.

Another Nameless Woman

If you remember I wrote a blog back in March I think it was about another nameless woman that had amazing faith. I found this incredible women in Mark 7:24-30 Check it out!
When I first read this passage I had no idea what it was talking about or referencing too but after looking at it again and waiting for God to talk boy did he ever!

So lets begin the story. Jesus is now in gentile territory aka non-Jewish land. He went into some one's house hoping not to be noticed or disturbed. Then there is this woman. She comes to Jesus and tells him that her daughter is possessed by a demon.
This is where it gets interesting and very confusing.

²⁷“First let the children eat all they want,” he told her, “for it is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
²⁸ “Lord,” she replied, “even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs.”

I had to look at it twice before it became clear. So:
Bread= good news message
Children= Jews
Dogs= Gentiles (I know not very nice but makes cultural sense)

This woman (who probably did not have much education, not only knows what Jesus was talking about but also knows an answer to give that is humble yet persistent. She knows that as a gentile she to can receive the good news. Whats even more amazing is that a woman was the first of the gentiles (from my knowledge) to hear and understand the good news.

I was thinking a long time of how to apply this to my life since really that is the most important part. But really it simply is this, have faith that Jesus wants to help you too. Her faith stood the test that he gave her and she BELIEVED in him! So how does this play out practically? Well have faith that Jesus will answer your small little prayers and the really big ones too! The woman believed that he could heal her little girl.  Have faith that he will provide for you, Jesus provided a new life for both the mother and her baby.

Be like the nameless woman in the bible, Women of FAITH!

My Latest News

So a couple of different things have been running through my head recently like getting everything organized for school and what God wants me to do for the rest of my life.
It was really interesting, going on two short term missions trip I have watched my fellow teammates fall in love with the people that they were working with.I could see that some of my team mates would be returning in the future. For me that was not so much the case. Now do not get me wrong I know for certain that during both of those trips God wanted me to be there and I definitely saw how God had used me and taught me new things. But for me I did not "fall in love" with those groups of people. I think a better way to put it is that God did place those people on my heart.

But over these past few days I think I have figured out (maybe) the people that he has. While I was in Africa my team leaders often talked about their trip to Bangladesh. A country that is beside India. The more they talked about it the more I become intrigued. I did not think much else about this until I went to talk to the missions committee at my church.

So guess what?! there focus for world missions is this Bengolian Hindu's. Crazy huh?!!! Ever since  a missionary from Wycliffe (the organization that I went with) put this idea in my head I haven't able to stop thinking about it.
Something else that was also really interesting was that I felt that God was calling me to in the FUTURE to lead a short term medical team somewhere.

To be honest I have no idea how this all connects but I think seeds are being planted in my heart and head and I am really excited to see where it goes. So I guess if you think of me pray that the seeds will continue to grow and that I will hear Gods voice clear as he guides me through this next year!

New Beginnings!

So the reason that I started this new blog was because

a. its fun designing them

b. Cameroon is over but not dead. One thing about short term (without going a HUGE tangent) is that often times it is forgotten after a few months. I am not planning to forget about what I learned in Africa or stop seeking out what God desires to teach me about my experiences.I know that there are more things to learn. I wanted to start a new blog to broaden my perspectives and talk about all of life thus a new title and look were needed.

 I don't know how much I will be actually be able to do this but for the time being it will be fun! I am excited to keep anyone who reads this (which will honestly probably be few...ohh well) about what God is teaching and challenging me in. as well as anything else that comes to mind

Let the new adventure begin!

Resting in Peace

I was at my friends church this past week listening to a very interesting sermon and was both challenged and encouraged by it. The pastor talked about the providence of God; how God sustains all things, how he rules out chance and over rules evil. It left me with more questions then answers but the pastor used one illustration that has left a pretty amazing picture in my head.

He used the story of Jesus and his disciples. A terrible storm had hit their ship as they were traveling and while all the disciples were freaking out about the storm, Jesus was asleep. Think about standing on a ship with rain pelting your face and your life flashing before your eyes and then your mentor/best friend is sleeping down below. Not the greatest thing that could be happening to you right now. When they go wake Jesus he CALMLY get up and says "why are you afraid oh you of little faith?"

So why was Jesus so calm? Because he was IN CONTROL. He knew that they were and are and going to be safe so he took a nap because he was tired. He was sleeping in the bottom of a boat. Now I don't know about you but when I am worried about something I can not sleep but Jesus was not worried or concerned even. He slept and well im assuming since storms are not quite things. He knew and trusted that God had it under control and so should we. Trust him that he knows what's He's doing. For me that was something that I needed to hear that day and was glad that I did.