Finally

Finally done. I have no ties to school that require me to complete an assignment, hand in a test, slave over homework or study for an exam. Finally I have rest. That is how I think, when there is school I cannot rest. I am always thinking about the things that I need to get done and even then sometimes I forget what I am supposed to do. I liked to keep myself uptight thinking that it would help me get things done. What really happened is it burnt me out. Completely and utterly.

Understanding that, I know have to ask and discover -- How to find rest among the business of life.

Its kind of ironic but I can remember driving home from... anywhere really... and thinking that being stressed was comfortable because it gave me the motivation to get my homework done. I thought of the stress as a good thing. In all reality though it made me irritable at my husband and drove many relationships away.

In some ways stress can be good, it can give us the motivation to get things done. I think what happened with me unfortunately is that the stress became to strong, became to much. -- Looking at it from a very basic anatomical perspective our brain is made of up of pathways, series of synapses that tell our bodies what to do. When stress occurs frequently that pathway becomes stronger making the reaction stronger. So my normal stress response is now in someways hyper active.

Now I need to learn ways to change that reaction, to change the pathway so I can change my response to stimulants around me like emails, school assignments, planning outings with friends and spending time with family.

The thing that I am really grateful for right now is that I have an oppertunity to rest and change my brain. The brain can rewire, I am not stuck with a hyper active pathway, I can chose to change and chose to rest. I also have a place that gives rest. I was reminded of a verse that says

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

I need to go to him and find rest.