Trust and Stay

I got a putty cat for Christmas and she is pretty hilarious. She is really easily spooked and has very much attached to me and is tolerant of my husband. He likes the cat too and I am sad that she doesn't like him but we are talking about a cat.

Meli was a stray and then we adopted her from my mom’s friend. This friend had a lot of other animals in the house and Meli was the outcast. I think her past really affected her. I wouldn't be surprised if a male human abused her. It makes me sad.

Last night Meli was brave and ventured into our room and jumped onto our bed to chill with me for a bit. Jonathan came in after me and Meli stayed on the bed. I could tell she was scared but she still stayed there. Meli was scared but she trusted me so she stayed. I knew that Meli was safe and that Jonathan was just going to get into bed and pet her, but Meli didn't know.

This may sound silly but I learned a lesson from my cat last night. I realized that I need to trust God and stay where he has placed me. God is in control of my situation and I need to trust him. I have been hurt but he still loves me and will provide all the comfort and safety that I need to continue to stay in the place that he has asked me to live.

I have always struggled, and continue to struggle with trusting Jesus and finding refuge in him. But that is why I am taking time off, to re-ground myself in him so that I can live my life through his strength and with his peace.

Finally

Finally done. I have no ties to school that require me to complete an assignment, hand in a test, slave over homework or study for an exam. Finally I have rest. That is how I think, when there is school I cannot rest. I am always thinking about the things that I need to get done and even then sometimes I forget what I am supposed to do. I liked to keep myself uptight thinking that it would help me get things done. What really happened is it burnt me out. Completely and utterly.

Understanding that, I know have to ask and discover -- How to find rest among the business of life.

Its kind of ironic but I can remember driving home from... anywhere really... and thinking that being stressed was comfortable because it gave me the motivation to get my homework done. I thought of the stress as a good thing. In all reality though it made me irritable at my husband and drove many relationships away.

In some ways stress can be good, it can give us the motivation to get things done. I think what happened with me unfortunately is that the stress became to strong, became to much. -- Looking at it from a very basic anatomical perspective our brain is made of up of pathways, series of synapses that tell our bodies what to do. When stress occurs frequently that pathway becomes stronger making the reaction stronger. So my normal stress response is now in someways hyper active.

Now I need to learn ways to change that reaction, to change the pathway so I can change my response to stimulants around me like emails, school assignments, planning outings with friends and spending time with family.

The thing that I am really grateful for right now is that I have an oppertunity to rest and change my brain. The brain can rewire, I am not stuck with a hyper active pathway, I can chose to change and chose to rest. I also have a place that gives rest. I was reminded of a verse that says

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

I need to go to him and find rest.