So it is official, I have taken a break from my nursing program and will continue in Fall of 2015, completing my degree in December. It wasn't really what I was expecting to happen this year but I made the right choice.
This time that I have taken off I want to make it intentional, I need it to be intentional. Last semester I gave it my all with school, work and becoming a leader for a missions trip to Indonesia. When it came to second semester I had nothing left emotionally or mentally. My brain and body went into complete panic mode resulting in some significant and unwanted panic/anxiety attacks. Those are not normal for me and I think that dealing with the anxiety sooner rather then later is worth waiting to finish my degree. In all reality, taking a break at this time is really the best option. I am not off for a full year which is the greatest part. It does make things more complicated with OSAP and paperwork but my mental health is worth it. I haven't been officially diagnosed with any kind of anxiety disorder but I know what I was experiencing.
Being married, living with in-laws, and navigating a family whose culture is sooo different from my own, have been catalysts to some personal issues coming to the surface after being under the radar for the last few years. The bomb exploded shortly after christmas which resulted in me having a crying/screaming-curling-up-into-a-ball-trying-to-disappear session. I didn't realize I had to deal with the debris until I attempted to enter my last semester. I was broken and torn to shreds. So here I am, taking a break and cleaning up the debris and hopefully preventing another explosion.
What did the explosion leave me with? It left with a longing to re-establish my identity, my friendships and my sanity. I hope to continue to write in this blog to share this journey of restoration that can only come through Christ. Come join me on this journey, through prayer or encouragement or simply taking your time to read this blog and maybe through it all, this place will be an encouragement to you as well.
Much love,
~ERP
I actually left my full-time, decent-paying, permanent position that I got right out of university to take more than half a year off (so far). It's been so difficult in many ways, especially as I had to go right back to Christ and take on his identity for me, even if it means I am unemployed. I also had to face disapproval from my parents, my fiance's parents and others, who vocally or unvocally, believed I was doing this because I was lazy. I'm learning rest, self-compassion, and self-care, and for the first time in my life I'm learning the power of saying "no" to even good things, like ministry. You are not alone Erika, and I believe God has amazing things in store for you in this rest and beyond. Just make sure that you truly rest, and don't fight it (like I did, for about 5 months of the past year!) ;)
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