New Look means New Start

YAY!  I have to say that I am rather excited to finally have a new look to the blog and some adjustments. A fresh look gives a fresh start which I am looking forward too... which starts NOW!

To make a very long story short this summer I really didn't have a much of a break between work and a summer course and some personal life tribulations. I walk into my first semester of 2nd year nursing already tired so by the end of the semester I was more then completely burnt out. Then Christmas break came and  I was soooo more then ready. I have the amazing privilege to go to Cuba!!  I hope to post some pictures soon :) It was such!! a huge refresher. So now walking into this next semester I actually have discipline to get some work done... which is a huge blessing since some exciting things are coming up :) :

Having had a legit break has really helped to re-discipline myself to not waste time but focus on my homework and get to bed on time. This semester happens to be slightly more organized and I am doing a stats class which means I get to use a calculator! I know its kinda sad but I actually missed math.

So a new year means a new start and so far it has been starting off pretty good :) I hope to be here more often to share some thoughts and reflections through the eyes of a nursing student with a heart for Jesus

Grace.

The creative juices for how to express my life experiences has been running rather dry for a while now but I do enjoy returning to this place to be expressive.
These past few weeks I have felt God's presence in ways that have only come through the prayers of others. I have been blessed to be successful in school in ways that even though I am tired I have made it through to get things done.
I have also been learning about this amazing attribute of God called Grace. I have confidence that a full grasp of such an amazing part will not be attainable but the little things he has showed me has given me a greater perspective of who He is which in turn has given a different perspective on my self. To describe the concept of grace goes with almost without words, it is more of an action, a feeling, a perspective. God views me through his eyes that he loves me for me, and I accepted that he was going to save me. Through his love I change and grow and through his strength my reflection of him grows a little brighter.
It is by his strength that I am changed to become more like him. This view of who I am changes my perspective of me. I am loved not because work I have done but because I have Jesus. God has invited me to be part of Him. WOW
How that has changed my perspective on life and how I act I think is for another time, as I am stilling discovering how it is worked out, but I know that because of this new orientation, I have a lot more peace and alot less anxiety, which in all reality is something that I am returning too.

Longing

Checking my phone...
Checking facebook....
Looking for something to eat....
Checking my email...

Looking for something
Looking for someone

really longing for Jesus

This semester has been so challenging to find time do anything other then study and sleep and work. Seeing friends has been at a minimum and hanging with the boy has become a weekend excursion only with a Wednesday night dinner and homework night.

Yet I have not made time for Jesus. This does not mean that he loves me any less. This does not mean that he has let go of our relationship. He is in the exact same spot as he was when I started making life... when school start existing and when stress started to overwhelm my body more of a priority. I don't know where to start, I never really do. I miss worshiping him twice a week, one being at youth on Tuesday night... who knew the importance

I have a friend who is serving in Costa Rica with YWAM

She has been such an encouragement to me.

Check out her blog and journey!

Heart Broken

WARNING... MATURE SUBJECT MATTER

I heard a comment last week that a bunch of us young folks don’t think about death compared to all of use oldies... and late middle age lady said it of course. The interesting fact of it though was that comment wasn’t entirely true for my self.  The experiences of this past summer as well the entrance into working with elderly people this reality is not far from reach, not for me personally of course but for those around me who are elderly. Every so often my mind churns over the fact that I never hope that I will have to be placed in a nursing home due to cognitive impairment aka losing my mind and memory. I have encountered over the past few days various ladies who have deceased husbands or are functioning more independently now due to the fact that their husband is no longer able to do as he once was. I personally would much rather leave him behind then be left behind as this again, is something that I have thought about since being around these people.

It can and should be noted that the role of a husband is very critical in providing social emotional and physical support for the wife (physical income not so much in the later year) and when this support network is no longer around the person can suffer greatly. This idea was brought up to me as I was sitting in one of my classes which discusses social determinants of health; factors that effect health that are outside of physiological processes. One significant social determinant is the maintenance and support from a social network. A critical piece to this social network can include a spouse. Which presents this idea that an individuals health can be effected by being heart broken and can be seen in physical manifestations.

It’s not uncommon to hear about how one spouse passing shortly after their partner and I would call this literally a heart that is broken. Now I should also note there are many people who do recover and live longer after their spouses passing so this should not be a generalized thing simply a connection made through my various own personal experiences. The elderly population is a group of people that I have to love and have a lot of respect for due to their wisdom and guidance that they have to offer. In the midst of working with them though the challenges that are faced are very different to what I have experienced before.  

Summer

With summer being over and returning back to school the question constantly arising of “how was your summer?” To say that it was a great summer as most people tend to say I have summed up my experience as a good and hard summer. Then the next question that comes about is “what do you by hard?” This answer usually deems the answer of I worked as a PSW and took a summer course at the same time so it was hard. And this is very true, yet my summer was much more then that. It was a testing ground for my faith. I experienced a lot of loss this summer with losing Paul as well as other elderly people from my church.

Along with that came the struggle of my personal faith being challenged through my course consisting of world religions. With being presented with these various world views I was challenged to evaluate my own once again and stand true to what I hold to be truth, which is actual truth. Out of it though, I learned that being a Christian is very different then any other religion. Yes I would agree that there are many similarities between many of the world religions but the more one comes to understand each the clearer the differences formulate. Almost finishing this course (with the Lords strength only) I have walked away knowing that what I believe and depend on is not of myself but from God. Total dependence is the basis of our faith, and when we choose to not do this we land in more trouble then we began with. I definitely felt that way during this summer.

Throughout this summer I was often to be found sitting at the picnic table at my house doing homework and listening to the radio. A new release came out and I considered in my summer theme song. The artist talked about how we often talk about what God has done and how amazing it is to be with him but we fail to reflect on what it would be without him. This summer I think I experienced a little taste of that, being without him. The stress of the summer and the involvement of studying other religion was an excellent way the devil to wedge his way into my mind, and much of the song reflect my summer.

The refreshing thing about walking out of this summer into a new school year is that I now have that knowledge of being without him and have no desire to return. Additionally it gave me a taste of what it was like to live without Christ, something that I have not really experienced because I have lived to be a Christian my whole life. This summer was a hard but good summer and I can say it was good because of what I learned and how I grew. There is still much more growing to occur from this summer experience but I have confidence that God will not let that go undone.
 

In the meantime here is my summer theme song
Me without You

Some thoughts

As I am getting back into the swing of school I am also attempting to get back into the habit of writing blogs as a way to reflect on the thoughts that have travelled through my head as there are many.  Thoughts  that are sometimes put into my back pocket to reflect and other times are simply forgotten.

So here is one of those thoughts that might have a trail that is lasting.

I have been doing a bible reading plan (started it a week ago) because I was finding it challenging to sit down and read it. So I decided to try doing something different to make a change and get excited about reading my bible again. Part of the plan was to read though the Psalms, which I find refreshing to read because David is an ordinary person with extreme emotions and an AMAZING love for God. Reading psalms I sometimes find is a gate way to praying to God. The words that are written there are some of David's inmost thoughts and feelings that he expressed to God. After reading a psalm a few times I find myself praying the words of David. It's a very different, definitely different way to dig into my bible which has been like new and exciting.

I am very grateful that God interacts with his people in more then one way through his amazing letter that he has given to us.

So I guess I have a question, how do you stay interactive with you bible? What do you do to make it exciting to go back to everyday?
I think it would be neat to try some other new things!

The Drive Home

With being back at school and far from home, my regular radio station that I listen too is simply state of fuzz. So for the past while now I have simply enjoyed my car's silence as I drive from one place to another. One of these drives I was heading out to go visit some of my friends that I had met in nursing last year to catch up and hang out a bit.

We were talking about boys and the dramas many of us had either faced in the past and one that was currently in the midst. As I was sharing my story I realized how amazing picture of grace that it was.
I was in my first serious relationship and it was not a Christ honouring one and six months later it was ended. I struggled for a long time about how to restore what I had lost in that relationship and how Christ could forgive me of it. But as I was on a missions trip Jesus miraculously set me free from such bondage. I was forgiven and free. Later that year the boy's memory was completely erased from an accident that he had suffered. So in essence that relationship had completely disappeared.

It is really such a great picture of what God does for us when he forgives us. We are forgiven and free and he remembers it no more. I am always delighted to see small reflections of His truth permeate through my life. It is such a gift to now that I have a story of a great example of what Christ has done. Unfortunately I didn't make the connection until I was driving home so I wasn't able to share it with my friends I am still grateful that I had He gave me the courage to share it with them.