The fuel that drove me to take that first real step in collecting and discarding some debris(more about that here) from the bomb was a list from a blog written by Carey Nieuwhof.
The blog was towards leaders (I was leading a team at the time so I thought... that applies to me) The post was 25 pieces of advice that he had learned over the years. Some of those points helped me to move forward. I want to share with you a couple that really hit home for me.
Point #9 Get comfortable being around people who are smarter then you.
I realized that I needed to do this in order to move forward. I struggled (and continue to struggle) with this idea because I always based my identity in my smarts. I was never athletic so I thought my smarts could define me.... I know now there will always be someone smarter... and my smarts do not define my existence.
I am still working on the "getting comfortable" part. But, although they may be smarter my ideas are still worth contributing and I can gain so much for listening and participating in conversation.
Point #12 Pour increasing amounts of energy into your strengths
This helped me realize that my strengths are valuable and that they are worth the energy to improve them. That bomb had really destroyed my belief that my skills and strengths were worth something. This reminded me that God made me and gave what I have and those skills were (and still are) worth investing in.
Point #23 Trust again. Hope again. Believe again.
This point was what pushed me to start moving on. To stop just looking at all the debris around me and start picking up the pieces. I had to tell myself to trust that there was only 1 bomb and it had gone off and it was over. Trust that forgiveness was given and allow myself to believe in what the person had said.
To be honest, this first step of really moving forward, trying to let go of the debris happened in May 2015. The bomb went off 1 year and 8 months ago and that whole trust issue... I still struggle with it. I often still walk and act like another bomb is going to go off when I am around. I am working on it and will work on it... until I can trust again.